I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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