well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I smell like Dick and happiness
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
