dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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