ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I look better un-naked...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
