These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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