Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
