True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
