Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
