Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
