I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
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Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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