dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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