i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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