remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
