Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
