Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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