is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
