I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
