I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
