just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
