I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
