I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
