you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
