If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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