hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So apparently I’m into choking now
we should paint friendship bongs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
