i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
