Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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