you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
