dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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