I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
