You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
