Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize