if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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