I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
