Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
