I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
