i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
