On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So squirting runs in the family.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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