Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
