i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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