i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
