my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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