She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
