a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
