it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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