Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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