im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
