i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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