im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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