I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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