So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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