spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
