Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
