walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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