Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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