My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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