Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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