we're blogging at a bar
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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