Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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