Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
