I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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