I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
