It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
