Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
