Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
