I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i need some magic done to my vagina
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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