tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
