I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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