I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
