There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's like heaven, but drunker
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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