So drunk its hurt
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
