I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
