Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
