OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
