brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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