I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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