All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
