Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
