Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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